This post was originally published on my Substack Blog: Lager Time. If you subsribe, you can have it as an audio podcast, or as a weekly email
I mentioned in the first part of this, that it’s probably going to be a bit all over the place. It is. And I’m probably going to contradict myself. I’m trying to work out where I stand on the sincerity of social-media posting, particularly in times of tragedy.
I’ve always had this stubborn side of me, that wants to quietly rebel against consensus. I’m not quite sure why but I find it pretty annoying; as in, why can’t I just accept things like most other people. I suspect it has a lot to do with my own ego, which, despite calm / gormless appearances, can be a raging-mess, like a quaint, inconspicuous (and fully soundproofed) village-hall; housing a packed, drug-fuelled gabba-rave. But that’s not the only thing.
My first memory of it rearing its head was in primary school, watching some slapstick-theatre show, prancing about the school assembly hall. All the kids were cracking-up; except for me. I can remember this conflicted feeling I had – this sort of frustration, that I wanted all the other kids to understand that this is shit, it isn’t funny - versus the feeling (though I could be making this bit up but I’m pretty sure it was the case) of actually wanting to laugh, because perhaps; it was funny, in places.
The classic one these days, is if someone recommends me something to watch, or listen to, that’s current, or popular, or both. My normal reaction is something along the lines of that’s probably going to be shit. See, I can be a prick. However, in some cases, that inner-prick, is often right; subject to my own preference and opinion, of course. Kendrick Lamar is a decent spitter, but he ‘aint top ten, no-where near it, mate. And Line of Duty, was no better than a soap-opera. It was alright, but nothing special. Sometimes I wish I could accept the consensus though. Life would probably be a bit happier.
Sometimes it’s not all ego-driven, or just something being over-rated. Sometimes, it’s a hunch or a suspicion, that something else is going on. The bull-shit detector. If it’s mass-consensus, sometimes it could be tribalism that’s driving it, or self-preservation perhaps, which gets masked as earnest, which then makes it insincere, thus bull-shit; especially in the realm of politics. Sincerity is important to me.
There’s numerous cultural and political examples I could give here. A major tragedy happens, a mass-shooting, a war, some big social-justice-type moment and immediately social-media timeliness are awash with more platitudes than a political speech-writing-workshop. But why?
My own reaction to this sort of stuff could well speak to that inner-prick, he exists, most certainly. Also my own social-inadequacies. If I wasn’t so awkward, perhaps ‘d be jumping on board the big save-the-world-sloganeering.
Sometimes it’s an insecurity thing; they’re probably related. I mugged off grime when it first came about. I think deep-down, I thought it had stolen drum and bass’s thunder. How stupid is that? Like I own drum and bass, or something?! It’s all music. I love music. I’m glad I saw through my own bullshit there. I love grime. Equally, I used to cuss-off 90’s R&B music, saying it was cheesy. But in truth, I did like some of it, I think my issue was that I associated it with men that were confident with the ladies; which of course, I wasn’t.
What’s triggered this post, is the recent death of UK MC Skibadee. Unfortunately, with easy access to instant news, it seems not a week goes by without some legend passing away, and it’s always sad, especially when that person means something to so many. Skibba meant a lot to me (and many, many others of course) but it was the first time I felt moved to write something and post it online and even then I was conflicted. Only time will tell if I’d detected the smell of my own bullshit again, whilst writing it.
The only time I’ve ever chipped in previously was when Leslie Neilson died, and that was only a short tweet. But this one’s bought the conflict up in me again. This conforming thing. I’ve seen a lot of it of late, but for some reason, it doesn’t sit right with me and I don’t know if it’s just that egotistical-dick-head-insecure-not-in-the-cool-club-side-of-me, or the side that’s sometimes, is right to be suspicious[U1] ?
I fully understand that there were many people that knew him, or grew up listening to him, or knew how much of an inspiration he’s been. But some of the things I was seeing, from accounts that I’ve never seen post anything about him, or drum and bass even, felt insincere. Call me a prick here but it seems that if his passing somehow fitted into the sphere, however tenuously, of those accounts own ‘online brand’, then they would comment. Like an industrial trawler, sweeping up everything off the ocean floor, so long as it looked like a fish; it all has a value. I’m not going to include any examples here, as I’m well-aware I could be completely wrong. I’d rather keep focus on the general sincerity online, or lack of, whenever any big tragedy happens and the cultural-capital that can come with commenting.
I know only too well, what a few of those heart-like-clicks can do to my brain, I can feel it fiending for them, like my dog when I whip the treats out, whenever I post something and then check in, at numerous intervals, to see if anyone has liked it. I’ll be checking the stats on this post, no doubt. That dopamine hit from a click validation – it’s addictive. And what better way to get those hits, than writing something, in emotional times, that appeals to people’s sense of loss and occasion? Get it right and you’re a wide-boy with the keys to a charlie-factory.
As I write my way through this, I realise it’s probably a mixture of both. Sincere and insincere. Maybe it’s ok, to reach out for validation, in times of high emotion. The day before I got married, when the pressure was on, I felt the sudden need to reach-out to my parents. I had a little cry and I hugged my mum and I think that was what I needed in that moment. It wasn’t online of course but I would never share anything like that online, that’s just not me but I think the motive may be have similar. For some, maybe that’s what it is, a little reach-out for a virtual-hug, as well as wanting to honour the dearly departed. No shame there.
But is that the case every time? I don’t think so. There’s some people, out there knee-deep in clicked-sourced-dopamine and looking for that next hit. But you tell me. These things are very difficult to prove and of course call-out, due to the sensitive nature of the subjects. I guess it's down to perception at the end of the day, that and smokey mirrors.
We’re all still figuring out the dos and don’ts of this social media thing. What I do know is, most cultures have specific ways to honour their dead, they’re time-honoured traditions and every part of it, is designed to serve a higher purpose, way beyond gassing-up someone delivering a half-arsed eulogy. Large up the real ones and RIP Skibadee.
